J.P. Donleavy
A Playboy notable book of the year, the tattered 1981 paperback Dell I have boasts. The misogynistic and self-loathing upper-lower-middle class Jewish Rhode Islander Franz Sigmund “Isadorable” Schultz alights on London to take the West End by storm. Along the way, his dick leads him from one mess to the next and he befriends his production partners, the foppish and charming aristocrat Lord Nectarine and his sidekick Binky Sunningdale. Schultz grows to idealize their lifestyles of leisure and lusts for his own riches. He becomes so determined to make his production Kiss It, Don’t Hold It, It’s Too Hot a success that he will do, say and fuck anything to make it happen. The journey is hilarious, disturbing, offensive, poignant and every inch Donleavy.
-“But Schultz, I must remind you this is England. You can’t go around punching people.”
-”’I guess with guys like you with everything you got already, that the things you end up wanting are beyond the emotions of ordinary men.’
‘Ah Schultz, I’m afraid that one just does not know what’s in any man’s heart.’
‘Fucking greed is in mine, even as much as I love the theatre. but holy shit, your Lordship, you know what I’m thinking. That religion does not teach the only important truth there is, that man saves his soul by money alone and to be rich is right and true and from that derives all beauty and justice.’
‘By god Schultz, although you are indeed stretching your imagination tonight
You
Have also
Said
It all”
-“I never know what’s going to happen next
And nothing
Sacred or
Profane
Would surprise
Me”
-“I’ve got a hardon. Which fucking human nature uses to pole vault me out of new disasters into bigger ones”
-“Dear me, the incredible cheek of gatecrashers these days. It does make on yearn. Doesn’t it. For previous and more decent times.”
-“These days, you don’t know which people’s personal ethics are on holiday.”
-“Real democracy must include the right to throw a fuck into somebody and to be seen doing it… The way she uses her magical ass she must sense there are already enough people on the globe that you’ve got to find something else beautiful to do with your libido than produce babies.”
-“To hell with the mediocre.”
-“When
In my last
Emotional crisis
I was a
Burning symbol
Happy and free”
-“The state of unhappiness can become so unfamiliar that you don’t dare embrace any moments of delight.”
-“But always in bliss, something happens. You get cheated, short changed and reminded again of the world. Once love is over it conveniently turns to hate.”
-“And when you find a friend who is good and true fuck him before he fucks you.”
-“Maybe I just don’t know when people hate me and when people love me.”
-“His Lordship said I should be more English about my remonstrations. Don’t say I could kill you. The proper expression is Schultz, sir I assure you I shall shatter your stumps and make mugwump of what remains.”
-“Good morning folks, welcome to Horrorsville, you have just left Happytown Junction three thousand miles behind.”
-“There are two kinds of women before the all become the same. One who sells herself many times over and regrets it. And one who sells themselves once and regrets it.”
-“Guys exist to screw women and women exist to make them pay for it.”
-“Loneliness is a step towards death.”
-“Life at best is just a Jewish joke.”
…words forthcoming…
nota bene: this book had more typos in it than any I have ever read.
